Regrets and second thoughts.

Hello my dear friends. I know it has been many moons since I posted last, and I extend my most humble apologies. Things have been… a little hectic, to put it mildly, and it is only now that I am coming up for some fresh air. I suppose I shall start from the beginning. Apparently I seem to have fallen accidentally in love with a girl who works in my office. What started out at first as a casual interest quickly turned into 3 hour phone calls on a nightly basis, the result of a misdirected sms. That’s the good news. The bad comes in multiple parts. First of all it’s the family’s finances. We were never wealthy to begin with, and now my dad’s teetering on the edge of joblessness. My job seems pretty stable, but the satisfaction bit is declining at an alarming rate. There’s a saying something along the lines that in every basket of apples at least one is rotten. In this case, the rotten apple is a manager who’s trying to royally fcuk another person and me up the arse. I also resumed my degree, and while this maybe a good thing, I’m not really sure. It’s going to take a lot of hard work, and I sorely wish that I had completed this years earlier when the going was good. But good ol’ me was too busy being a self centered angst ridden prick to do much about it. I like to think that I have come a ways since then, but I sorely regret most of the decisions I have made in the past. I suppose this is how god is showing me what happens to slackers. I could probably stay home again, but it isn’t worth it. The money I earn is put mostly to good use, and it allows me a little freedom in buying things for myself, no more groveling at the Pater for monies. All this has been making so depressed that I don’t feel like blogging or even chatting on the net anymore, despite the fact I finally have ADSL. I know for a fact that miss gobblezygook has noticed my recent withdrawal. But I can’t help it. The only solace I have in my life is with the girl I’ve more or less fallen for, but even we have problems. But at least those problems don’t make me feel like putting a noose around my neck. I should start job hunting today. I don’t mind even if it pays less than what I earn here as long as I can be left at peace. Also, a Saturday off wouldn’t be too bad either. As it is, I work from 6:30 to 11:30, then go to classes from 1:30 to 8:00, so as you can see, I spend more or less 14 hours out of the house on Saturday. But in reality it’s longer, since I wake up at about 4:00 and come home well past 9:00. But I can’t really complain can I? I think I don’t have the right to anymore. My course is split up into three semesters, i.e. I’m taking 1.5 years to do the 1 year program, it’s an option that’s available. It’s slow, but I think it’s all I can cope with for now. And something is always better than nothing. It’s just that sometimes I wonder what all this is in aid of, and whether it will make a difference for me in the long run. I’ll be 28 by the time I complete my degree, granted nothing else happens to me during that time. Is it too late for me? Peace.